DEFCON 7: Won’t I be Lonely?
01-02-08
S/V Teatime and S/V Mothership Buddy Boating in the South Pacific
“Now.. Bring me that horizon”
Leaving Loved Ones Behind
Uncoupling from physical possessions can be tough, but leaving your community of friends and family can be particularly painful—especially if you genuinely like them! Elderly relatives or imminent new arrivals of babies can be a real pull, often becoming the reason many people return to land. If you’re blessed with good family and friends, consider yourself lucky, but this should not be a reason to prevent you from fulfilling your dreams.
Community bonds are important, and the thought of separation can be difficult for your community, especially if they don’t share your restless spirit. You may encounter emotional blackmail, silent treatment, and even anger. Revealing your plans may expose uncomfortable interpersonal dependencies, attachment anxiety, and emotional reliance.
It’s natural and healthy to feel empathy, and these tactics will no doubt play on your sense of guilt and obligation. But ask yourself: do you truly feel valued and loved only when you are needed by other people? Is it actually family and friends holding you back, or is it your compulsion to be needed? These are not good reasons to forego your dreams, as this will eventually lead to frustration and resentment.
Maintaining Bonds from Afar
With the introduction of satellite broadband systems like Starlink, connectivity has never been easier.
Heading off on an adventure doesn’t mean your bonds will weaken. In fact, absence can make the heart grow fonder. Some families communicate more when they’re away because they’ve actually got something exciting to talk about. With modern communication, especially with the introduction of Starlink, connectivity has never been easier. You can now video call from the middle of the ocean if you’re so inclined.
When we set sail, we faced all of the above. When it was clear we couldn’t be dissuaded, attention shifted to our kids and guilt by association. As mentioned in a previous post, "A Nice Cup of Tea," when Irenka’s mum first heard of our plans to sail around the world, we began receiving newspaper clippings about sea tragedies. Explicit and implicit doubts were raised about our ability to educate our kids. My dad expressed concern about their isolation and their inability to participate in team sports and group activities at school.
However, since departing seven years ago, we’ve kept in regular contact. Many of our family and friends have enjoyed holidays of a lifetime, visiting us in Turkey, Greece, Spain, the South Pacific, Australia, New Zealand, and further visits are planned throughout Asia.
Grandad on one of his many visits since we've been cruising - Marquesas Islands - French Polynesia
The Cruising Community: A New Family
The cruising community is wide, expansive, and very sociable. If loneliness worries you, don’t let it. The community is encouraging, and friendships and support are never far away. Hundreds of cruisers similar to you are already on adventures around the world, and the numbers are increasing year on year. Engaging with cruising groups on Facebook can demystify challenges ahead and foster a sense of community. We are members of several groups—groups with similar boats, groups with kids, groups sailing to similar destinations, and even groups making YouTube sailing blogs.
Sharing a beach fire with our buddy boat, S/V Festina Lente - Namena Reef - Fiji
Like any community, it has it's fair share of eccentrics, but on the whole, the cruising community is probably the most supportive community I have ever been privileged to be a part of. Total strangers will pop up out of nowhere and literally throw you a lifeline when needed. We have come to the aid of people literally an ocean away by drawing on a support network that spans the world.
Shared purpose and values unite the cruising community, not least because we have common adversaries in the sea, weather, bureaucracy, and the unknown. Even though cruisers are largely resilient, self-sufficient and self-reliant, it’s not uncommon to call upon neighbours, to borrow tools, or exchange information and pilfer recipe ideas. Put a bunch of cruisers in a bay together, and it’s not long before a VHF net starts up and sundowners are arranged.
A Community That Cares
Putting a call out for help to the local cruising community - Martinique
When arriving in Martinique in the middle of COVID, Irenka needed treatment for a broken finger. We knew nobody, so put a call out on the local VHF net to explain the situation and asked the boats anchored nearby to keep an eye on the boat and kids while we were at the hospital. We had never personally met any of these folks but when we returned at the end of the day, not only had the kids had regular visits throughout the day to check on them, one of the boat Mums had actually been aboard to cook them dinner!
In Curaçao in the southern Caribbean we teamed up with a group of family boats to create a flotilla heading along the treacherous Venezuelan Coast to Colombia. On arrival, we headed out on a four day trek through the jungle to the Lost City with our cohort of 19 kids!
I could could fill countless pages with stories like these but I think you get the picture - you will not be alone.
Rally organisers arrange social events for you to mingle with fellow cruisers
But, if the thought of buddying up with random strangers feels a little strange, then there are numerous organised rallies around the world. These are orchestrated by various cruising organisations who coordinate long distance passages, offering technical support and arranging social events for you to mingle with fellow cruisers heading the same way.
Check out the real Cruising Community
There are hundreds of Youtube channels and blogs created by the cruising community, but not everyone is out there on social media. So, we have put together a community section on our website with profiles of cruising families from all around the world - genuine families like you with heartfelt insights and pearls of wisdom to share. Why not check it out to see the wonderful families you can expect to meet out there? https://www.mothershipadrift.com/community
Embrace the doubt but remember, you’ll never be alone on your great adventure.
That's it for another week. Next week in the FINAL DEFCON, DEFCON 8 - Insurance, I’ll be looking at that subject that seems to play on everyone’s mind.. and why it shouldn't.
“Now.. bring me that horizon..”
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