#58 Cruising puts an ocean between you and everyone else’s life, and (depending on your relatives, obviously) that can feel gloriously liberating. No school runs, no traffic, no slow death by small talk about bin collections. But distance cuts both ways. Sooner or later, you get that call, the one that starts with, “Mum’s not doing well…” and suddenly freedom can feel a lot like exile.

#57 If there’s one question guaranteed to make every long-term cruiser sigh into their sundowner, it’s this:“So… how much does it cost to live on a boat?” It’s asked with genuine curiosity, usually by someone imagining that because the ocean is free and the wind is free, life at sea must be, if not necessarily free, at least somewhat cheap.

#56 Somewhere in the Pacific, I found myself listening to audiobooks on “how to escape the system” while quite literally halfway across the world’s biggest ocean. I wanted meaning. A philosophy, a framework, a reason for this madness to make sense. Sleep deprivation does that to you!

#55 Like relationships, every adventure starts with fireworks. The first few weeks are intoxicating: new horizons, new friends, the thrill of motion and discovery. But sooner or later, reality staggers onboard like an uninvited guest screaming obscenities. The romance of the dream rubs up against the cost of living it.

#54 If your house or car broke down as often as a boat, you’d torch it for the insurance. Yes, cruising gets you turquoise bays and smug Instagram posts, but boats are also temperamental, expensive, demanding and forever teetering on the brink of a breakdown. A bit like some of my past relationships.

#53 We’d wrestled with storms, outrun gunmen, and rebuilt boat parts with little more than a tin can and swear words. We’d lived through weeks when the horizon never changed, and nights when sharks circled endlessly in doom loops beneath the hull. And then, just like that, it was over.

#52 We’d wrestled with storms, outrun gunmen, and rebuilt boat parts with little more than a tin can and swear words. We’d lived through weeks when the horizon never changed, and nights when sharks circled endlessly in doom loops beneath the hull. And then, just like that, it was over.

#51 Sailing off into the sunset can sometimes mean salt-stung eyes, rashes and fungus in places you’d rather not discuss, and the realisation that a sailboat can sometimes be a toe stubbing, head banging obstacle course, especially when you first set off.

#50 I said in a previous section that storms rarely kill anyone. But I’d like to caveat that with a warning about lightning. Not much panics me at sea, but when I see lightning on the horizon.. I panic. 

#49 I could dedicate this whole section on how to avoid these perceived dangers but the the truth is, storms, pirates, or sharks almost never hurt cruisers (almost). No, the things that actually hurt and sometimes kill cruisers are a lot more mundane, and a hell of a lot closer to shore.

#48 People get very misty-eyed when you mention crossing oceans under sail. They picture you gazing heroically into the distance with the wind in your hair (well, not me), dolphins leaping at the bow, and some sort of romantic orchestral soundtrack

#47 Working from a sailboat usually conjures up images of laptops, tranquil bays, and barista style coffees with a little heart shaped swirl in the froth. Idyllic right?. What it doesn’t conjure up is an images of you knee-deep in a bilge, swearing at seized diesel engine while an important Zoom call pings at you indecently from beneath an oil rag

#46 If there’s one thing they never mention in those performative, sun-soaked YouTube videos and Instagram posts about sailing in the tropics… it’s the vermin. Flies, mosquitoes, ticks, wasps, ants, cockroaches, rats, and a biblical variety of God’s other tiny critters.

#45 In Amsterdam recently, some residents complained about kids playing outdoors and making too much noise. The case even went to court. Imagine that. Children. Playing. Outdoors. Unsupervised. The horror!

#44 Boat stowage is like playing 4D Tetris. You want onions and you’ve found engine spares. You want curry powder and you’re ankle-deep in wet snorkels. Everything lives in three different places and moves when you’re not looking.

#43 Now, I’m not saying food is everything… but at sea, it sort of is. It’s often the only time the crew stops swearing and sits down together like semi-functioning humans.

#42 The galley is not just a kitchen. It’s the epicentre of everything that keeps you alive and props up morale when the rain’s coming in sideways and the nearest supermarket is 800 nautical miles away.

#41 We’re not diving deep here, and you’re not about to become a marine engineer. Think of this as a shallow paddle through the murky world of boat systems. Just enough knowledge to know what that weird noise might be, or where that rapidly expanding puddle of gunk under the floorboards is coming from.

#40 One minute you’re knee-deep in mud clutching a full sack of premium pork in Malaysia, the next you’re trying to trade a fishing lure for the last half-rotten tomato with a recalcitrant market vendor in Suriname. it’s unpredictable, inconvenient, occasionally disgusting, and completely central to life on a cruising boat.

#39 Let’s be honest. Haul-out is where all the nonsense about freedom and sunsets and “living the dream” comes to die. This is not sailing. This is work. Dirty, hot, frustrating work. You will bleed. You will bruise. You will curse the day you ever bought that bloody boat-shaped